IHateBloggers.com

A recurring theme with bloggers on various blogs is to have a blog post on the topic of “Where do you blog from” or “Where I blog from”. Firstly, “blog” is not a fucking verb! Secondly, “blog” is not a fucking verb!

“Hi this is Steve and I’m writing this post from the top of Everest.”

Right, Steve, thanks for that. The thing is, prove it. Go on Steven, prove it. And furthermore, you just climbed Everest, what the hell are you doing logging onto your blog? Don’t other things take priority such as:

a) breathing

b) conserving your oxygen for the trip back down

c) planting a flag pole

d) breathing?

The list of places where it is appropriate to write your blog from is very small. Namely:

1) Your toilet (when producing shit, you may as well produce shit).

It doesn’t make your blogging more exciting to be doing it from somewhere special. Actually that’s kind of against the whole point of blogging. You can do it from anywhere so why go somewhere specific to do it? Are you intentionally stupid? Sitting in your car outside starbucks stealing WiFi and boasting about it on your blog means you spent money on petrol to get there. You made the effort to get a blog setup for free, you’re using free internet and your time is worthless also free yet you spent $80 on petrol just to find some cafe stupid enough to not encrypt their wireless internet connection. Congratulations.

Blogging is not an interesting and exciting activity which other people share and you can gain a sense of camaraderie and achievement from. Bloggers don’t work together in jovial spirit and help one another out. They compete viciously and any pretense at friendship is only valid for as long as they can learn how to destroy your RSS feed subscriber list or similar.

It’s not like saying “Hey, chum, where do you go fishing?”

Steve: “Thanks for asking, my friend. I like to fish in Lake Blahblah, where I find the trout to be most energetic.” (I don’t care if trout live in lakes or not, maybe they don’t. I also don’t fish and nor should you, it’s barely above blogging on the boredom scale).

Jon: “Ah, and where do you ride your bike?”

Steve: “Well, I love to ride my bike in the forest, or over the mountains.”

Jon: “Ah.. superb, simply superb. And how about blogging? Where do you like to blog?”

Steve: “Generally, Jon, I like to blog in a hunched up posture, in the dark, sitting over a glowing laptop screen, straining my eyes and scratching my considerable rear, while drinking pepsi.”

Jon: “Truly you are a polymath.”

Blogging is not a spectator sport! I can just about stand to watch you fish, I would probably enjoy watching you ride a bike over a mountain, but watching you blog..? I don’t think so!

Even if you take a picture of yourself sitting down and writing on your blog, it still isn’t interesting! Unless the blog is about blogging from different locations, in which case the whole blogging part of the deal is fundamentally unnecessary and please return to step 1.