Stupid self important bloggers don’t deserve attention
The first sign that you’re dealing with a complete waste of space blogger is when he interviews himself on his own blog. Yes, can you imagine, this practice has basically become acceptable. Because the world of “professional blogging” is essentially closed to the rest of the real world and real people like you and me, it has been able to develop quasi-fundamental rules of its own. These include:
It’s perfectly acceptable to:
- reduce every topic under the sun to a neat 1 to 10 list
- understand things only via how they can improve your google pagerank (including the force of gravity or the price of oil)
- interview yourself (see above, and frankly you don’t know anyone else, do you? I mean, in real life. Not just on twitter.)
- refer to yourself in the third person
- pretend you are a big name blogger when nobody, including your own mother, has ever heard of you.
- plaster your full name all over your blog and use a tagline like “John Smith on.. [ways to penetrate your eardrum using a pitchfork in July]” as if you are a special correspondent for some broadsheet who is proud to “have you on board”.
- Assume everyone stumbling across your blog is stupid enough not to realise any old fool can register a domain name and upload wordpress and do exactly what you’ve done in the 3 minutes ad break during Celebrity Idol.
Incuding, it is not longer normal to:
- Verify anything you write, indeed, the more unsupported your postulation is, the more likely other bloggers are going to accept it since you’re a guru and guru’s set the trends. Example: “Showering on your head in the morning is likely to increase your google pagerank”. Obviously I made that example up, since bloggers don’t even own showers.
- Read any books, since most books were written before google adsense and couldn’t possible help you squeeze any extra cents out of your “readers” [most of whom are actually robots, don't get too excited by your web statistics jumping from 1 daily unique to 2, your IP is probably dynamic and you check your own blog every 0.5 seconds anyway]
- Have any knowledge whatsoever about which you blog. Why bother, someone else wrote it already and you just need to jumble the words about a bit.
- I can’t go on
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[...] interviewing yourself on your own blog wasn’t enough to make you feel like your father was wrong all along, another technique that [...]