Did I mention I really hated bloggers
The entire concept of blogs became useless the minute someone decided to create google adsense (and any other ad network). As soon as money could be made (or not made, as is the case for 99% of the bloggers out there) then blogs just became the next get-rich-quick scheme for the unemployed, the lazy and the fashionistas.
I’m serious- as I type this millions of human beings around the world are sitting down thinking really really hard about what possible topic might not have yet been blogged about. “If only I can find my golden niche, I’ll be raking in the advertising dollars!”. Then they use these silly little online tools which aggregate search results and searching patters from the major engines to tell them roughly how many times a particular search phrase or keyword has been looked up in a given time period. If their amazing topic idea, which a quick search of google reveals has not yet been properly exploited by other bloggers, also happens to have a lot of people searching for it, then they have hit the jackpot.
Lo and behold we suddenly get a bunch of completely uneducational boring blogs about the best way to perm your dogs pubic hair or the top ten tips for fitting a cucumber plant to your bicycle. Don’t you see what’s happening? All the actually interesting topics are fully monopolised by rich people who can employ actual writers to research and formulate interesting and educational articles for public consumption. The average MacDonalds sit-at-home “honestly Mum I’m a professional web person, check out my blog on personal loans!” blogger has no chance competing against these sites so what do we end up with? “Niche” blogs which concentrate on topics that the mentally insane and the underage have dictated by being the only minority bored or crazy enough to ever type them into a search engine in the first place!
It’s also 100% the fault of bloggers that it’s now impossible to find any diversity in information while searching the web using a normal search engine. Need to find out a couple of different ways to diagnose your chesty cough? Stuck for alternatives to upgrading your Ram? Good luck pal- you’re going to find 5 billion suspiciously badly-written (courtesy of Abdul and Sergey) re-writes of the one same article.
And don’t even get my started on the blogs about making money from blogs. Unbelievably, some of the richest bloggers out there actually make money by “teaching” (I use the term loosely) other complete wastes of space how to make money from blogging. Hello?? Hello??? He’s only making money thanks to YOU reading his blog. He doesn’t have any secrets or real advice to share, he’s leading you on and you’re falling for it. If he was being honest all his posts would say the same thing: “The best way to make money blogging is to pretend you make money blogging and cash in on everyone else’s hope!”
Can you think of a more self-obsessed and inward looking group of people? Why is it that I’ve never heard of any of the people that bloggers eulogise about on their silly wordpress turnkey blogs?
“Well guys I was at i’m-a-stupid-idiotCON last week and I bumped into Marty MacMaccyMan from idontgiveafuck.com and he had some great advice about how to turn your blog into a money making animal, so here’s a list of the clothes in my washing machine.”
Then you get a dozen or maybe a hundred comments from people who have been brainwashed into giving a damn:
“Oh he’s such an inspiration, I love how he managed to like, install wordpress and then like, write articles that regurgitated the same crap other bloggers have already written (and rewritten) in like, 2000. I subscribe to his RSS feed so I can wake up and read his blog before I even brush my teeth.”
RSS feeds! Which complete fool thought that would be a good idea? Now you have competitions - bloggers put buttons on their blogs saying “I’ve got 3,4567,456 subscribers”. Funny how you never see one saying “I’e got 4 subscribers”. Of course, that’s only if they have 3 kids (under the literacy age of course, and the wife just does it because he probably setup her gmail account anyway and she has no idea what a blog is, but is thankful it keeps him quiet during desperate housewives).