IHateBloggers.com

When a blogger starts a new blog, which is pretty much a daily thing for most of them, they typically start the process of by filling their empty blog up with a bunch of completely boring and useless posts on day one. They then change the post dates on all these to make it look like they were written over time, to try and fool search engines and you and I into thinking they have existed for a while and are at least established. I don’t know why but Bloggers are absolutely terrified of appearing to be new, or just starting up. They do everything they can to fake the age of a blog. The register domain names that they will probably never use, just in case one day it becomes popular to search for “alternatives to breathing” and Oh boy! How glad I am I registered “suffocationonline.com” back in 2008. Now I can blog about the top ten ways to wrap a plastic bag around my head and make it look like I’m an expert since the domain name isn’t new.

This process of filling a blog with multiple posts all in one go to help it appear “established” is called “seeding”. Bloggers seed their new blogs with posts. This is a tree analogy. Ironic since most bloggers haven’t seen a tree that wasn’t in the “Lord of the Rings Extended double DVD set” for at least a decade.  They love to use these real-life and real-business terms to try to legitimise their entirely fabricated and shallow industry. It’s as if they hope that by adopting these semi-authentic terms like “Seed” that people will overlook the blatant lack of substance in what they spend their time doing and maybe give them the time of day. It apparantly works since even the BBC and other offline media loves to talk about blogs and blogging. This is, of course, only because those offlin media sources are so terrified that “this internet thing” might be a serious threat to their readership.

In case you haven’t noticed I try to write long paragraphs. This is to ensure no actual blogger will read this and get angry and then blog about me. They switch off if a paragraph has more than two sentences and isn’t stuffed with keywords. Heaven forbid I get reviewed or “linked” to. Please god no. The last thing I need is a bunch of angry “professionals” defending themselves and “trackbacking” and “pinging” me all times of the day and night. Blog-stalking, I’ve heard it called.